She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize