So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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