Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
