I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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