there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
