My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
