I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize