I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Are we still banned from the library?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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