Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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