shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize