drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
