he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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