I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
a search helicopter?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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