oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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