my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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