Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
