hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Randomize
