I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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