C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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