im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
