I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize