If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I won the penis lottery.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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