Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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