Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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