So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
