So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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