he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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