I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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