Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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