I just pynch a tree in the face
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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