At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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