i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
