I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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