dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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