There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
