A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
