I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
