just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
