Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
BRING THE BAGELS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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