My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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