Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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