So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
