Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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