D3 body, D1 cock
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
