I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
