My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
