god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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