So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
