i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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