i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this will be a night to untag.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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