totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's blow job season.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
