a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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