How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
