I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
