Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
