I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
