The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
