I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
