we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
