Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.

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(925): View more from California

He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.

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(541): View more from Oregon

No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.

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(512): View more from Texas

and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through

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(785): View more from Kansas

one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight

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(714): View more from California

Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"

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(937): View more from Ohio

Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!

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(906): View more from Michigan

Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me

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