dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
