Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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