Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
