Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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