I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
