did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
