Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
